Getting the groom more involved can be easy. Often all it takes is for the bride - or the groom - simply to raise the question.

Grooms: This wedding is half yours, so make the most of it!

On the very morning of his wedding, Dale startled me by asking if I'd join him for a round of golf.

"Wedding at 2. Tee time at 9. No problem," he said, lighting a cigar.

Dale teed off. Steadily increasing rain didn't stop him from going the full 18 holes.

"I'll be glad when this wedding stuff is over. Seems like she's been working on it for ages," he muttered, five-putting the last green.

Dale was one of those grooms who believed his principal role was to arrive at the church on time. His bride had done most of the preparations.

That sort of arrangement doesn't thrill everyone. Especially brides:
"I wish Charlie had taken on more," reflects Lynn. "He seemed to think renting a tux was about it."

"My fiancé told me, 'You do it, but don't make it a big production,' says Pam. She grins: "It wasn't his finest moment!"

Wedding professionals frequently get an earful, says Diane Tresham, owner/manager of Arctic Rose Fine Fashions & Bridal Boutique in Wasilla. "I often listen to brides complain about their grooms not being more involved."

Tresham also describes a different problem - the groom who doesn't want to say anything to displease his bride. "So he agrees with anything she wants. That makes her begin to feel he really doesn't care, which isn't the case."

Donna Turner-Love, wedding planner and owner of Donna's Corner in Big Lake, says when a bride asks a groom for input she really means it. "She values his opinion. He should never answer, 'I don't care, Baby!'"

"The main reason grooms are not proactive is a lack of communication," says Debbie Debnam, owner of Alaska Wedding Brokers and Bridal Point in Sterling. "Brides don't always take the time to tell the guy what he needs to know to successfully do his part."

Getting the groom more involved can be easy. Often all it takes is for the bride - or the groom - simply to raise the question.

"He asked if he could help, and I about fell over!" says Lauren, recently married. "Suddenly the chores and deadlines didn't look so bad because we could face them together."

Debnam believes a bride should solicit - and use! - the groom's ideas right from the start. She suggests that couples should:

• Plan the budget together (including who's paying for what)
  
• Create a very specific, detailed list of who is responsible for which tasks
  
• Schedule regular dinner dates to discuss progress

"In other words," Debnam says, "make the groom a part of the process, not a spectator."

Turner-Love: "On the big day, he can see things he's contributed to, and he can proudly say 'I did that! That's pretty cool!'"

Besides his traditional assignments, what else can the groom can take on?

LOCATIONS. Two heads are better than one when finding a variety of possible places for the ceremony and the reception. The groom's sense of fun and adventure can lead to inspired suggestions.

INVITATIONS. The groom can use his computer skills to create invitations, programs and other graphic elements. He can bring a fresh eye to selecting stationery.
"I watched one groom suggest a design the bride had overlooked," Turner-Love recalls. "She went 'ohmygosh! I'd never have thought of that! It's perfect!'"

CATERING. So what if he's not a gourmet chef? Grooms can sample wedding cakes and help make other tasty choices for the reception and the rehearsal dinner. Two tongues are better than one!

PHOTOGRAPHY. A groom with a good visual sense or one who's a shutterbug can be invaluable in planning the photos and videotaping.

"At the very least, I want the groom at the final consultation before the wedding," says Marlea Lipka, owner of Marlea's Artistry Through Photography in Anchorage. "I think grooms like to say what photos they want."

MUSIC AND ENTERTAINMENT. Unless he's tone deaf, rhythm-less and totally without taste (in which case, why are you marrying him?), the groom's input in selecting musicians and music can help guarantee great sounds.

HONEYMOON. The groom's romantic side usually blooms if he becomes a major player in planning the honeymoon.
"I wanted Cheryl to feel pampered," says Keith, "so I took over all aspects of the honeymoon - even leaving in a hot air balloon!"

DECORATIONS AND FLOWERS. There's no law saying decorative touches are the woman's domain. Brides - and designers - appreciate the masculine point of view. Grooms find it's great fun to play with colors, shapes, textures and scents.

In short, grooms can usefully participate in almost all aspects of preparations.

"Every bride would love to have more input from the man," says Turner-Love. "Grooms tend to think it's 'her' day. It really isn't - it's the couple's day. There's never too much a groom can help with."

Of course, once a groom has agreed to be responsible for various things, he needs to stay on task!

"Rick tended to procrastinate some," Kathy chuckles, "and this definitely added to my stress!"

Two attributes which grooms need, says Turner-Love, are "lots of patience and constant attentiveness."

So is it share, share, every moment? Wedding professionals and couples alike think some things should be kept separate.

Debbie Debnam feels there should be at least one 'WOW! factor' - such as the bride's keeping the design of her apparel secret to the last. "Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I like the element of surprise."

"It was great having Chuck involved," Linda says, "but sometimes I wanted him to make himself scarce - like when I went in for a makeover!"

Chuck agrees: "I shooed Linda away every time I worked on honeymoon stuff. I wanted time to myself."

What are some tangible rewards of new and improved 'grooming?'

• Reduced wear and tear on the bride
• Extra pride and satisfaction for the groom
• The value of a second set of eyes and a different perspective
• More diversity of ideas
• The pleasure of collaborating on a significant project
• Important learning experiences for the couple

Newlyweds hope for a life blending close togetherness and equal partnership. That happy blend can start long before the wedding - if the groom's more actively involved.

"Why shouldn't the groom do lots more?" asks Donna Turner-Love. "After all, this is one of the biggest days of his life!"

So what'll it be, guys - wandering the fairway or working with your fair lady?

Want more great ideas and advice? Pick up a copy of Alaska Bride & Groom on newsstands now. Alaska Bride & Groom is your complete Alaska wedding guide.