Every couple wants their wedding day to go off without a hitch. But whether it’s a busted budget or managing family and guest list drama, chances are you’ll encounter a few bumps along the way. Here are some common sticky situations couples face when planning a wedding, and how to handle each of them with grace and tact.

 

THE GUEST LIST

​Our parents have come up with a list of friends to invite – how do we say no?

If you and your fiancé are paying for the wedding, a simple “I’m sorry, it’s not in the budget” should suffice. But things can get tricky if your parents are footing the bill. In that case, you’ll need to talk with them about your desire for an intimate wedding and ask that they not invite people you don’t know – or at the very least, limit it to one or two friends.

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Oh, the infamous ‘Plus One.’ Do we have to extend a plus one to guests if we don’t know their partners?

If the guest is married or engaged then yes, you must invite their partner whether you’ve met them or not. Otherwise, no guest is entitled to bring a date. If you do choose to skip the “Plus One,” make it as clear as possible on the invitation by addressing it only to those guests specifically invited (this can help if you choose to have a child-free wedding as well). You could take it one step further and include with the invitation, “1 seat has been reserved in your honor” (again, this works to make it clear that only the adults in a household are invited to the wedding).

 

We don’t want kids at our wedding – how do we say ‘adults only’ without offending people?

Many people consider weddings to be family affairs, so you’ll need to be upfront about the fact that you want the little ones to stay at home. State clearly on the invitation, “Adults only reception” or “We love kids, but this is an adults-only affair.”

 

FAMILIES & FEUDS

It’s my wedding but my mom (who’s paying for most of it) is trying to control everything. How do I keep her vision from taking over mine (and keep her happy)?

Communication and compromise are key to ensure you get the wedding of your dreams, and not your mom’s. Most of the time, mom just wants to feel as though she’s playing an important role in your big day. So, if there is some aspect of the wedding that you don’t have strong opinions on – the flowers, for instance – put mom in charge of it. That will give her something to focus on and allow her to participate in the planning, leaving you to focus on those details you do feel strongly about.

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Two of my family members HATE each other and I am worried they will have a fight at the wedding. What should I do? 

Assign somebody – the wedding planner, a groomsman or another trusted guest – the task of making sure the family members keep their distance and, if a fight does break out, stepping in and breaking it up.

 

Both sets of parents were divorced and now remarried. How do you suggest we handle the father/daughter, mother/son dances? We don’t want anyone to feel left out.

It’s really all about honoring people and the role that they’ve played in your life. This could mean the bride and groom have different dances with their parent and step-parent, or sharing the dance with each parent. Or spread the honors out throughout the night – a note about all the parents in the program, having both sets of parents stand to give the bride away, or asking them to give a toast.

 

MONEY & GIFTS

We want to ask for money instead of gifts. How do we do this? 

Asking for anything is considered rude, whether it be money or gifts; but there are subtle ways to let your guests know that you’d prefer cash over another blender you’ll never use. Enlisting the help of close family and friends to let guests know via word of mouth that you don’t plan to register, stating on the wedding website that you’d prefer money toward a kitchen renovation or some other project in lieu of gifts, or creating a honeymoon registry all let guests know you’d prefer money without specifically asking for it.

 

We want to cut costs: Is it ok if we make the guests pay for their own drinks? 

There’s no requirement that you provide any drinks, alcoholic or not (although most couples usually provide champagne or sparkling cider for the toast). But you can offer your guests drinks and still keep costs down. Offering drink tickets for beer or wine, putting a time or dollar limit on the open bar, or placing a bottle of wine on every table all help keep costs low but still allow you to provide your guests with a beverage or two.

 

We’re in the middle of wedding planning and just realized that we’ve financially over-extended ourselves. How do we recover from being over our budget?

If you’ve already signed contracts, talk with your vendors about possibly cutting back. For example, ordering the smaller photo package or cutting back to one photographer instead of two. If that isn’t an option – or doesn’t cut down on costs enough – you’ll have to look at what remains of your budget and choose what you can do without. This may mean using a mom-and-pop store over a high-end florist or choosing a less expensive dinner entrée. Dumping the wedding favors can also save thousands of dollars.